[Sung by Jean Terrell]
I was lying in state on my analyst's couch
I said, "Doc, I get the feeling
I'm becoming a grouch
You know my arches are falling
And I'm developing a a slouch."
He said he reached inside his hot pants
For his alligator pouch and he said

[Chorus]
Once in the morning and once at night
I'm not sure that it will help you
But you'll think it's alright
Once in the afternoon and once at twilight
Once for the money and again 'round midnight

[Sung by Jimmy Webb]
I was playing Las Vegas I was feeling kinda flat
When Jan the Fan Dancer came by for a chat
You know she loosened up her "A" string and she reached inside her hat
And she said, "You play with this son and I'll play with that."

[Chorus]
Once in the morning and once at night
I'm not sure that it will help you
But you'll think it's alright
Once in the afternoon and once at twilight
Once for the money and again 'round midnight
[Sung by Jean Terrell]
I was hanging round London trying to pick up a new line
When a man I did not know he invited me to dine
He said, "We can make each other happy you know we're both the same kind
And I like some of yours if you'll please take some of mine."

[Chorus]
Once in the morning and once at night
I'm not sure that it will help you
But you'll think it's alright
Once in the afternoon and once at twilight
Once for the money and again
Once for the money and again
Once for the money and again