You walk into the office and pull yourself together
For a meeting with your a-hole boss
He tells you that youre fired, but he calls it retired
He says Sorry but weve gotta cut costs
You start screaming like a fool
You trash your cubicle
And they have to call security
You see a hot girl by the curb
And you try to flirt with her
But she thinks you need help crossing the street
When youre fifty
Sometimes you drink till you pass out on the floor
Now your livers destroyed and youve got hemorrhoids
And you can barely get it up anymore
MIKE
Aww cmon that only happened once! Shut up, Taylor Swift?
TAYLOR
Fifty
TAYLOR
Youre kids think youre lame and they can't hide their shame
When youre with them in public place
And your wife can hardly stand you she always reprimands you
And your son calls you a douchebag to your face
And then youve finally had enough
You say, son you think youre tough?
You think that you can whoop your dad?
Hes says, No Id rather not
You say, gimme your best shot
And then he kicks you in the nads
When your 50
MIKE
Hey shut up! Ill sing a verse your stupid song?
Youve got squinty little eyes, and you sound crappy live
Kanye was drunk but he wasn't wrong
And you sucked on the Grammys
[Taylor Swift starts to cry.]
MIKE
Im sorry Taylor Swift. Im just going through a rough time. That was uncalled for. Youre very talented
[She kicks him in the nuts and runs off with the butterflies and birds]
MIKE
Ahhhh! Somebody get me the hell out of this enchanted forest