We met last night at the club
You told me you were in love
Came home and smushed in the tub
And now you're in my yard
Woke up and saw you were gone
Your running across my lawn
Without your pants or shoes on
Here comes my St. Bernard
Vodka was flowin'
Butt cleavage was showin'
Your mind I was blowin'
Man we were so freaking wasted
Tag, you're my boyfriend. My name is Carly
But all my doctors, just call me "crazy"
I made you poptarts with extra gravy
But I'm a call girl, you have to pay me!
Psych, I'm just kidding. Aren't I crazy
Let's watch 12 hours of Chelsea Lately
And all the other boys try to taaaaaze me
The doors are locked now. You can't escape me
C'mon lets do sex again
I want to be more than friends
Look how far my legs can bend
DOUG
I'm sorry I can't stay
Look I don't mean to be rude
But, I don't think that we screwed
CARLY
I've got the pictures to prove it
Hey don't look away
You're my one and only
That's what my dog told me
But, don't think you own me
Now lets sacrifice some chickens
I've got some hand cuffs
Feel free to spank me
But here's the safe word
It's "call me maybe"
CARLY
Hey, this is my band, they seem to haaaate me
DOUG
They don't look like they're really playing
CARLY
Crap that's my husband he's in the navy
He's gonna to kill you. He's also crazy
HUSBAND
I'm gonna kill you cus that's my "laaaady"
What's going on here?
CARLY
He tried to rape me
HUSBAND
When people try to rape "my wife" it makes me so mad. It makes me feel bad
I'm gonna kick your ass
Come to think of it my wife is just guy in drag I need a real man
So call me maybe