[Verse 1: Anastasia Douglas as Adele]
I wrote another song about
Me wanker ex cus he's a worthless lout
His name is Timothy Matthews
He lives on 5 Rubbish Road, flat number 22

[Pre-Chorus: Anastasia Douglas as Adele]
Please harass his ass on Facebook till he loses all his marbles
If you see him on the street, you should kick him in the yarbles
Push him down the stairs and pull him up by his nostrils
Did I mention
That he has herpes (and warts)?

[Chorus: Anastasia Douglas as Adele]
I'll never stop talkin' shite about you
I wish nothing but arse worms for Tim Matthews
If you cross me, you're dead
I'll hide under your bed
Next time you check the mail
You'll find your new girlfriend's head

[Interlude: Mark Douglas]
Stop right there, Adele
Don't sing another bloody word
You've lost the plot, haven't you?
Two can play at this game
Keep playin', you poof
[Verse 2: Mark Douglas]
Adele's got bipolar disorder
She's an angry drunk and a kitten hoarder
She left out the verse where she cheated on me
With all her roadies and Mr. Bean
I always brought you flowers and said bless you when you sneezed
You yelled at me in public, burped and farted as you pleased
You offered me some lovin'
Then you gave me a Dutch oven
And you kicked my arse on Christmas

[Chorus: Mark Douglas]
Every one of your songs is untrue
I caught herpes and willy warts from you
Children tell me to drop dead
They throw milkshakes at me head
Even the Queen once said
"Fuck you, Adele's boyfriend"

[Chorus: Anastasia Douglas as Adele]
Nevermind all that stuff about Tim Matthews
Instead let's focus on Neal Kent from primary school
Cus he used to kick my chair
And he put glue in my hair
He called me a cabbage head
Let's ruin his life instead
I don't know why I have such rotten luck with men