[Spoken]
Dracula: Wolves, children of the night
What sweet music they make eh?
Girl: How old are you?
Dracula: I have crossed oceans of time to find you
Girl: Your breath smells like dirt

[Chorus]
I'll never be an emo vampire
Setting teenage loins on fire

[Verse 1]
I've got nothing in common with the vampires of today
They gaze at girls, and pout and brood, and then just run away
This twilight hack thinks she can come along and change the vampire rules
I guess sleeping in coffins and wearing capes suddenly isn't cool
Girls won't climb up trees with me
Or canoodle in the grass
And when I play vampire baseball
I always get picked last
[Oh come on, seriously dudes, that's a human you just picked over me]

I've seduced all kinds of women, from all over the world
But now the only dates I get are with chunky gothic girls
When did all these vampires become abstinent and whiny
When i go out into the sun, I don't get all bright and shiny
Vampires don't have purity rings like undead Jonas Brothers
If I can't score with these high school girls
Perhaps I'll go for their mothers
[Why not, when you're six hundred years old there's no such thing as a cougar]
[Chorus]
I'll never be an emo vampire
Setting teenage loins on fire
I'll have no participation
In this vampire pussification
So wake me up when the world, grows a pair
Of fangs
[You thought I was going to say balls didn't you]