[Spoken Intro]
Ay y'all, this is a brand new dance that's sweeping the nation
This dance ain't for everybody, just the self-absorbed people
It's called the crybaby, goes a little something like this

When you've got a crappy show and your ratings are low
You do the crybaby, you do the crybaby
When your face looks like a ham and you get punched by will.i.am
You do the crybaby, you do the crybaby
When you say you're on the trail but you're really getting tailed
You do the crybaby, you do the crybaby
When those mothertruckers won't leave Britney Spears alone
You do the crybaby, you do the crybaby

It's always beneficial to cry
When you're in the public eye
It's so fun to watch celebrities suffer
So baby turn on the cameras and blubber

When the ASPCA won't let you give your dogs away
You do the crybaby, you do the crybaby
When you're tanking the lord for some meaningless award
You do the crybaby, you do the crybaby
Break it down now

[Spoken]
Alright now ladies
Yeah
It's time for me to show you how to do the crybaby dance
And don't make me call the wambulance
Put your hands on your hips
Stick out your bottom lip
Rub your eyes, stamp your feet
Turn and complete
Put your hands on your hips
Stick out your bottom lip
Rub your eyes, stamp your feet
Turn and complete

Now show your tears to the camera so everyone can see
Just how hard it is to be a rich celebrity
I'm sorry all you crybabies if I'm being too hard on you
'Cause you know when I'm at home
And I watch TV alone
I sometimes do the crybaby too

Like when Frodo leaves the Shire and he says goodbye to Sam
Or that very special Office when Jim married Pam
The first time I saw Lost in Translation
Or whenever I hear a Morgan Freeman narration
When that dude's wife died in the movie Up
Or the first time I saw Two Girls One Cup
Or that commercial with Sarah McLachlan and the dogs and cats
Wait a minute, turn off the camera, [??????]
I need a minute