[Intro: Jim and James Gordon, Jr.]
Batman! Why's he running, Dad?
Because we have to chase him
Why?
Because he can take it. Because he's not a hero, he's a silent guardian, a watchful protector, the Dark Knight
I don't get it
Neither do I, son, but it sounds cool

[Verse 1: Batman]
As I ride on my bike at the end of Dark Knight
There's a few plot points that just don't feel right
Like, why the hell did I agree to take the rap?
Harvey Dent killed those people, who gives a crap?
And the Joker pulls crimes in such an orderly manner
He must write it down in an evil day planner
His henchmen are psycho and expendable
Yet somehow completely dependable
And why is Morgan Freeman all pissed at me?
He seemed to resign kind of randomly
It's okay to build me an armored tank car
But, oh, tapping phones, that's going too far

[Chorus: Batman]
This movie of my life just doesn't hold together
At least beats the crap out of, Batman Forever
I enjoy car chases, explosions and suspense
Is it too much to ask that it all makes sense?
[Verse 2: Alfred and Batman]
No, no, Master Wayne, you don't understand
You can't kill a symbol, but you can kill a man
If I wanna quit, well then that's my choice
We're all alone, you don't have to use that voice
And what about Miss Dawes? It's like you've forgotten her
In Batman Begins, she was so much hotter
Joker, are you busy? Let's call a truce
I need you to help explain the plot to... Batman

[Verse 3: Joker, Batman, and Alfred]
Call me insane, but I consider us friends
I brought the DVD so we can watch it again
I'll make the popcorn and pour the sherry
Ooh, maybe we can watch it with the commentary
How does Harvey Dent do a total 180?
Well, they barbecued his face and he lost his lady
When did you have time to rig up both of those boats?
Does talking that way ever damage your throat?
Well, at least they got rid of Joel Schumacher
You know what movie's really good? The Hurt Locker

[Outro: Joker, Batman, and Alfred]
Oh yeah, I've been meaning to see that
I've never heard of that, who's in it?
Anthony Mackie
I don't know who that is
He was in 8 Mile
Oh, he was the guy who hosted the rap battles?
No, that was Mekhi Phifer
Oh, Joker, you're getting white makeup all over the popcorn
Sorry, hey, did I ever tell you how I got these scars?
Yes, several versions
Maybe other people would like to hear the story?