[Verse 1]
I'm not actually that mad
Our blood is not that bad
But it pays to exaggerate these petty high school feuds
You remember that one time
You cut in the lunch line?
No? Well, neither do I
But I need to be pissed at you

[Pre-Chorus 1]
I'm merciless but on the surface I act so demure
Time to admit I'm a pop music Cersei Lannister
Screw Katy Perry, I was barely ever friends with her
Got a pot that I love to stir

[Chorus 1]
I don't think about you
That's why I wrote this tune
And made an epic video to show you I'm aloof
All the things I do
Are calculated moves
That's why I'll never, ever, ever date non-famous dudes

[Verse 2]
You stole dancers from me
Who were yours originally
I wrote songs when I was 15
That had more maturity (than this)
It's hard to keep a straight face when I say I don't love drama
Don't touch my ass 'cause I'll sue your ass and take your dolla
Oh yeah, you made this bish famous or so you claim
Don't know what you made but I made you insane
[Pre-Chorus 2]
When I ask for a diet coke, I want it with a lime
And don't make eye contact with me or you could lose an eye
I got my bitch pants on and I must say they fit me fine
Piss me off 'cause I need more rhymes

[Chorus 2]
My new assistant June
You would think she was two
Last week this dipshit brought me miso soup without a spoon
I'm just playing with you
Your crying face is eww
Wipe off that snot before it drips on my new Jimmy Choo's

[Verse 3]
Why did my new assistant try to sabotage me?
Unless she's secretly working for Katy
My shit list has gotten longer than War and Peace
My friend list is a Post-It note that says "me"
Who would like to join me for an after shoot drink?
(Oooh, my grandma died, ummm) (I need 12 hours of sleep)
You have all inspired my upcoming LP (Really?)
It's about every piece of shit who crossed me

[Bridge - Spoken]
I'm sorry the old Taylor can't crumb to the phone-
Oh, shoot!
I'm sorry the phone Taylor can't crumb to the-
Ahh! Why do I keep saying crumb?
Third time's the charm!
I'm sorry, the old Taylor can't -
(Excuse me, I got a delivery for a Taylor Swift)
Ahhhhhhh!
(Look what you made me do!)
[Chorus 3]
Crap! Well, now I'm all alone
Who will pick up the phone?
And help me choose my next target to musically bemoan
My writing partner fled
I'll steal from Right Said Fred
I bet those one-hit wonders aren't too sexy for a check