[Intro: Mark Douglas as Bon Iver]
This is annoying
I am enjoying
Playing with this voice changer toy
Now here's a silly elephant noise
Pfffffttttttt

[Intro Verse: Mark Douglas as Rick Ross]
Rick Ross and I'm up first
I didn't get a whole verse
They only gave me one line
Goodnight folks, that's my time

[Chorus: Kanye West]
Nonsense, nonsense, loud and obnoxious
Everybody know I'm a narcissistic monster
Imma need a close-up on my grill, can ya film it?
Imma need a close-up on my grill, uh

[Verse 1: Kanye West]
I admit I love the smell of my own farts
Tweet pictures of my face and my naughty parts
So arrogant that my head's the size of Texas
The president even said I was a jackass
I just spanked it to my own reflection
I'm such a man-slut, I shoulda used protection
Scratch it, scratch it, lower, you got it
That groupie had a rash and I think I must've caught it
[Verse 2: Mark Douglas as JAY-Z]
Dracula, Frankenstein, The Blob, Jaws 2
Those are movies that are on my Netflix queue
Yeezy, you be thinking you're a monster of ego
I'm a slam-dunk of self-praise, at best you're a free throw
I invented Christmas, sex, and blueberry pie
Talked about myself until this girl committed suicide
Let's settle the argument, quit this silly bickering
I am the greatest thing, why am I whispering?

[Verse 3: Anastasia Douglas as Nicki Minaj]
Beep, beep, beep, I'm coming through
Imma girl but I can say the word monster too
My cat went to his box and did a monster poo
Mad cow disease can give you a monster moo
Here's the part where I sound innocent and sweet
Then I start screaming like a Jamaican freak
Old dudes, young dudes, freak when they see this
They all love my buns, even that creep Regis

[Verse 4: Mark Douglas as Regis Philbin]
I'm a huge fan of your rainbow hair
And I've always been a lover of large derrieres

[Verse 5: Mark Douglas as Cookie Muncher]
Y'all acting like you know what a monster is
Me have 35 years in the monster biz
All you monsters think you can fuss with this
Well you can talk to me Snuffleupagus
Me sneak into your house, me leave before dawn
Your daughters will be pregnant and your cookies will be gone
Eat many cookies but they don't go down me throat
Hey Nicki, have you ever had a muppet motorboat?
Me, eat cookie
And me, bang Snooki (me bang Snooki)
Hoes, up on my wiener (me can say "wiener", right?)
It look, like blue pipe-cleaner
[Outro: Mark Douglas as Cookie Muncher]
(Wait, pipe-cleaner too small
More like featherduster
Yeah, yeah, big featherduster
That about right)