[Verse 1: Mark Douglas as Adam Levine & Tom Small]
These pants are too small
They're skin tight, they're squeezing my balls
It's a sad sight
I used to be thin
Now I've got two chins
Should have hit the gym
I'm getting too old for YouTube
They're all gonna lol at my man boobs
Come on, Mark, let's go
My stomach looks gross
We'll fix that in post
(Are you really going to?)
Oh, hell no

[Chorus: Mark Douglas as Adam Levine]
Damn, I really let myself go, I ate
Too much pizza and nachos
Now my man boobs are saggin'
C'mon, you guys, stop laughin'
At my man boobs

[Verse 2: Mark Douglas as Adam Levine & Todd Womack as Adam Levine]
Let me have a try, I can do it
I sound like the guy, let me prove it
My gut's not as big
Just hand me that wig
And watch my gay jig
Impersonating the guy's impression
Of the other guy, it's like Inception
I'm covered in sweat
Just give me a sec
Let me catch my breath
Ha, not as easy as it looks
[Verse 2: Todd Womack as Adam Levine]
I am starting to regret this
Someone call the paramedics
I just threw my back out
I really should've stretched out
I just fucked my back up

[Bridge]
Christina sings these random lines
I think she applied her make-up twice
Used to show her goodies
But she ate too many cookies
And now she looks like Snooki, GTL
I got my second wind

[Chorus: Mark Douglas as Adam Levine, Todd Womack as Adam Levine & Both]
We are all attentions whores
Someone help me off the floor
I've got them moves like grandpa
I've got them boobs like grandma
But we will do anything for laughter
Do anything for laughter