[Mark Douglas, Doug Larsen & Anastasia Douglas]
Key of Awesome Christmas party
Everybody's here, we’re still alive

[Pitbull]
Pitbull always gets it started
¡Dale, Dale, Dale, 305!

[Sia]
Happy Holidays from Sia
Don't look at me, look at my weird friend

[Justin Bieber & Pitbull]
Christmas is a time for Bieber
Just like Jesus Christ I've come again
Sia come and get your freaky friend

[Rihanna]
Season’s greetings from Rihanna
Santa better have my money

[Reggae Shark]
Is da tree made out of ganja?
Cuz me wanna smoke da Christmas tree

[Madonna & Rihanna]
You can't have Christmas without Madonna
That would be true in the eh-eightes
[Elsa, Kesha, Dr. Luke]
What the hell happened to Kesha?
I can't make a song contractually
You just sang a line, now pay the fee

[One Direction, ZAYN]
Zayn dropped out of One Direction
But I can still play Harry Potter

[Donald Trump]
I will win the next election
And I got a crush on my daughter

[Taylor Swift & Katy Perry]
I'm the Queen of 2015
You're a backstabber with sticks for arms
You're just pissed cuz you're not trending
I'll run over you in my pink car
I got you a special Christmas card

[Kanyé West, Baby Yeezus]
Stop your hatin’, ’tis the season
Christmas ain't about the things you buy
It’s about the Baby Yeezus
I'm the greatest baby of all time
[Beyoncé]
Christmas is about Beyoncé
Ohhhh ohh oh oh oh oh ohh

[Santa Claus, Rihanna]
All you a-holes have been naughty
Santa better pay me what you owe
Everybody's getting bags of coal

[Santa Claus]
Look at you all, fighting for attention like two-year-olds
You should be ashamed of yourselves!
There's only one person who’s getting presents this year
And I think you know who that person is

[Taylor Swift]
Giga Hadid

[Beyoncé]
My baby Blue!

[Kanyé West]
Caitlin Jenner

[Katy Perry]
Katy Perry!
[Pitbull]
Lena Dunham!

[Kesha]
Jack Daniels!

[Donald Trump]
The ghost of Ronald Reagan

[Madonna]
Jean-Paul Gaultier

[Santa Claus]
Wrong!

[Adele]
Adele, Adele
I am everything
I cure diseases whenever I sing
I was gone for a bit and everything went to shit
So the world called upon me to come and fix it

[All except Adele]
Adele, you're swell
We are under your spell

[Adele]
I have saved Christmas by singing so well
Oy! Mate! Where's the bloody eggnog? I've got a sitter for the baby and wanna get pissed, mate!

[Santa Claus]
Maybe just sing, Adele. It kind of ruin it when you speak