[Verse 1: Tatiana Owens as Shakira]
I sing like a goat, the frog in my throat
Has lived there for years and he makes me sing this way
I set up a bed down by the steps
So when I run down stairs, I don't crash and smash my head
I really have to pee now but I can not leave because
I’m waiting for Rihanna
Where is that ho?
This is our girl's night
I sent her an e-vite
To have a slumber party, party, at my house

[Chorus: Tatiana Owens as Shakira]
Ohh, I'm very frio, I keep forgetting to put clothes on
Rock ’n' roll, guitar solo, I had to start a band with no-one
The evil throat froggy
He put a curse on me, now I must live in this big house alone
Hey Rihanna, where the hell are ya?
Don't piss me off or I'll unfriend you

[Verse 2: Tatiana Owens as Shakira & *Tatiana Owens as Rihanna*]
Sorry I'm late
I was harassed at the gate
Your house is a maze
Don't know why you need all this space
We're smoking in bed, bitchin' bout men
Our asses look great but we can’t find a decent mate
It really makes me feel bad
Got issues with my dad and it makes me date such assholes
Oh, not again
Let’s play a board game
Like Scattergories
And I will make us nachos, nachos
Where'd she go?
[Chorus: Tatiana Owens as Shakira, Tatiana Owens as Rihanna & Both]
Oh Rihanna, I think I lost ya
I took a wrong turn at the bathroom (make a left!)
Hey Shakira, I cannot hear ya
Just stay put my butt will find your butt
Communicate with me with ass telepathy
Now we’re dry humping the dry wall
Why can't I rebound from stupid Chris Brown?
You keep forgetting he's an assclown

[Bridge: Tatiana Owens as Shakira & Tatiana Owens as Rihanna]
I'd kill and I’d steal and I'd cheat on my taxes
And french kiss a frog for that boy (really?)
I'd eat a fart sandwich and lie down in traffic
He battered you like a Nerf toy
I have a solution, a man substitution
Have you met my friend, the bullfrog?
Just reach down and kiss him
He'll become a prince and
He won't treat you like a lap dog

[Chorus: Tatiana Owens as Shakira & Tatiana Owens as Rihanna]
Ohh no, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Now the evil frog has cursed you
What is that noise? That's your new voice
And I sound the way I used to sound
How do I stop this hell? This vocal prison cell?
You have to pass the curse to someone else
Well this is goodbye, my hips don't lie
You kind of sound like Julie Andrews