[Verse 1]
It started out so innocent
Just played it on the train
And sometimes on the toilet
Now all my time's been flushed away
So free me from this licorice cage
My battery and my wallet are drained
Try to get away but the Jelly Jungle beckons me

[Bridge]
Oh, I love watching it burst
Sweet, clear the chocolate first
They give you a taste for free
Then charge you a fucking fee

[Chorus]
Candy Crush
My brain is mush
Candy control
Crushing my poor soul

[Verse 2]
Got stuck on level 65
For two whole fudging weeks
I begged my Facebook friends for lives
But those old broads unfriended me
They've forsaken me (why?) but I'm the one to blame
Got no strategy (no!) I'm just swiping away
Lost my family and my scrolling thumb's become inflamed
[Bridge]
Ow, I'll just use a stylus
Crap, I think I missed the bus
Yeah, I'm calling out sick
Yep, I think it's contagious

[Chorus]
Candy plague
Malnourished brains
Blood has been spilled
On Easter Bunny hills

Divine! Delicious!
Maligned! Malicious!

[Interlude 1 - Spoken]
Hey, it's Horrible Alan
You may have noticed the bass just dropped out
That's because I'm home sick
I'll be out indefinitely
See ya

[Interlude 2 - Spoken]
Yo, it's your band mate, BeelzeBill
I've gotta be honest with you, bro
I've moved to other artistic endeavors
I quit the band
I left the drum machine on for you though
Have a nice life
Ah, sweet
[Verse 3]
When the candy comet rips the sky
The candypocalypse is nigh
Chocolate-covered sanity
Time has no meaning for me

[Outro]
Oh sweet, I won