[Intro: Tatiana Owens as Ariana Grande & Tatiana Owens as Iggy Azalea]
Is this a good fake laugh?
Yo, it's Uggie Uggs
I got voice and speech problems
(Parody of Problem)

[Verse 1: Tatiana Owens as Ariana Grande]
My name is Ariana Grande, I'm an anime
(Carto-o-o-oon)
I don't know what to do with my hands, because I can't dance
(That's why I brought these dudes)
Here's my horny sad face, it's hella creepy
Because I look like I'm eleven, and in a pageant
(With Honey Boo-Boo)

[Pre-Chorus: Tatiana Owens as Ariana Grande]
This is my warm-up that shows off my high notes
Chorus is coming, build to a crescendo

[Chorus: Tatiana Owens as Ariana Grande & Mark Douglas as Big Sean]
Got one small secret to tell you
I got laryngitis and can't do
That epic chorus I promised you
You just killed a perfect pop song
I was out late partying 'til two
So, sorry to disappoint you
I could stay and whisper it for you
Well, I guess that's better than nothin'
[Interlude: Tatiana Owens as Ariana Grande & Mark Douglas as Macklemore]
That's fifty dollars for a t-shirt
Get out of here, Macklemore
Sorry, I thought I heard my hook

[Verse 2: Tatiana Owens as Ariana Grande]
This is the song of the summer, and that's a bummer
('Cause it kinda blows)
But all you kids are gonna buy it, because you liked all
(My shitty shows)
Ponytail is too tight, it pulls back my eyes
It's makin' me looking kinda crazy, and kinda Asian
(But it's my one hairdo)

[Pre-Chorus: Tatiana Owens as Ariana Grande]
Everyone's saying
I'm the next Mariah
But I'm not an old mess and I can sing higher

[Chorus: Tatiana Owens as Ariana Grande & Mark Douglas as Big Sean]
I'll touch my face 'cause it looks cool
I'm not really sure what else to do
But I want to stay and support you
Just go home, you sound like Gollum
OK, I actually feel sick
And, again, so sorry about this
Just give my rap to the white chick
Well, that's one less, one less paycheck
(Wait, I'm not getting paid for this? Hold on)
[Verse 3: Tatiana Owens as Iggy Azalea]
Excuse me, sir
Big booty Betty bustin' out some bubbilicious bling
I ain't got the slightest clue what the hell I'm saying
My voice is a cross between a baby and Biggie and Bane
For the hundredth time, no, I'm not actually Marlon Wayans
My first name is Iggy, my last name's Azalea
Nah, I ain't from the hood, I'm actually Australian
I'm huffin' and puffin' and bluffin', just fillin' up the space
This is the vocal equivalent of blackface
They say I'm ridic, a chick version of Pitbull
I would say that's accurate so you can call me Titbull
How much would a woodchuck if it could chuck wood?
I got 99 verses but they ain't that good, like that

[Bridge: Tatiana Owens as Ariana Grande & Tatiana Owens as Iggy Azalea]
You got white girl rhymin' problems
Yeah, I know that, however I got street cred 'cause of my bum

[Pre-Chorus: Tatiana Owens as Ariana Grande]
I'm going to end with a pitch humans can't hear
It will make blood come right out of your dog's ears

[Chorus: Tatiana Owens as Ariana Grande & Mark Douglas as Batman]
I can do the whispering for you
The Dark Knight has come to the rescue
You won't ever have to say thank you
Shouldn't you be back in Gotham?