[Verse 1: Tatiana Owens as Rihanna & Mark Douglas as Paul McCartney]
Where is my backup band?
(How do you do?)
Is this just this old white man?
(You're only as old as you feel)
I guess he doesn't suck (um thanks, I guess)
I've give him a couple bucks (me bloody tea!)
I don't speak British
(I'm speakin' the same language as you)
That just sounds like gibberish

[Chorus: Tatiana Owens as Rihanna]
And I'm forced to wear this big jean shirt
My other clothes are at the dry cleaners
And I hope this guitarist isn't a pre-vert
Man, what the hell? I wish somebody could tell me
Where I know him from

[Verse 2: Mark Douglas as Kanye West]
Woke up yelled at Beck (you suck, Beck)
Award shows make me mad as heck (who's that man?)
I think he's from The Be-At-Les (what is that?)
They're a grunge band from Seattle (nope)

[Chorus: Tatiana Owens as Rihanna & Mark Douglas as Kanye West]
It took four-five seconds to write this
And it might sound a little bit childish
But after forty-five listens you'll like it
More than you care to admit to yourself
As you hum along
[Bridge: Tatiana Owens as Rihanna]
Still don't know what to do with this shirt
Even I can't make denim sexy
And they told me this was a video shoot
But I suspect it's a Gap ad

[Verse 3: Mark Douglas as Kanye West]
I'm in love with Beyoncé (what?)
She would never bang Ray J (that is true)
If she were my fiancé (let it go!)
They would call us Kanyoncé (ooh, I like that)
And all of my singing
Is just auto-tuned weeping

[Chorus: Tatiana Owens as Rihanna & Mark Douglas as Kanye West]
Now we're chillin' with this old white man
Is he that same old actor from Birdman?
It appears that he has been knighted
And he has wings, maybe we should let him sing
Okay, let him try

[Chorus: Mark Douglas as Paul McCartney, Tatiana Owens as Rihanna & Mark Douglas as Kanye West]
I am Sir Paul McCartney (whoo!)
The kids on Tweeter don't seem to know me
But now I'm mates with Yeezy and RiRi
That's enough of that
Can someone please call the van
For the nursing home?