[Intro: Sarah Gregory as Taylor Swift]
We're really awkward assassins
We mostly care about fashion
Selena looks like an infant
Should we be letting her do stunts?
(Goo)

[Verse 1: Todd Womack as Kendrick Lamar]
Hey, OK, here's the facts, you broke you back
That's right, in the future we have doctors who can rap
And I got a PhD from MIT and several shines plaques
Hey, Lena Dunham, that's my stogie, give it back
I don't mean to criticize you, just like to notify you
That if you don't gain muscle tone or meat on your bones we'll have to fire you
We need assassins with a passion for jackin' people up
Not a bunch of skinny white chicks who keep fixin' their makeup

[Pre-Chorus: Sarah Gregory as Taylor Swift]
Oh, promoting gun violence
While batting my eyelids
Is my new jam

[Chorus: Sarah Gregory as Taylor Swift]
We're a division of Revlon
We test make up and weapons
And I'm besties with Dunham
Who likes to show her tattooed buns (ooh)
Please put your pants back on
We have rules here at Revlon
Hey, there's Ellie Goulding
She should look where she's shooting (duck!)
[Verse 2: Todd Womack as Kendrick Lamar]
Remember when you bought this stupid whip? Uh-huh
And I advised you not to purchase it
'Cause it don't matter if it's see-through, if they can still see you
Take it back to the invisible dealership and ask for a redo
We just look like we are floating in a sitting position
And the check engine light is on, check the invisi-transmission
'Cause an invisible car's no place for Kendrick Lamar
So let me out of it, please
Don't tell me you lost the invisible keys, damn!

[Pre-Chorus Sarah Gregory as Taylor Swift]
My voice is grating
Shrill and irritating
Just like two seals mating

[Chorus: Sarah Gregory as Taylor Swift]
I'm an eighty pound badass
So don't mess with my flat ass
You know I could've played Katniss
I'm a much better actress
I love feuding and trash talk
I'm a skinny, white Tupac
Why did you clone Jerry Seinfeld?
I said to clone Hailee Steinfeld, god!
[Interlude: Mark Douglas as Jerry Seinfeld]
What am I? Chopped liver?
How do you think I feel? I'm the guy standing next to chopped liver
You two are very funny, let's go get some coffee
We'll take my car!

[Bridge: Sarah Gregory as Taylor Swift and Todd Womack as Kendrick Lamar]
I sound like a country bumpkin
With pop bubblegum production
Pardon this hick interruption
That's Mariska Hargitay and Grey's Anatomy, weird
The whole wide world is my high school
I determine who is cool
I'm the prom queen, you're the tool
And you're not invited to my pool

[Chorus: Sarah Gregory as Taylor Swift]
Now let's walk in slow motion
We don't feel the explosions
This is a basic bitch anthem
A battle cry for the dumb dumbs
Selena, you better beware
Are those your friends from daycare?
You're gonna wish we never fought
I'll drop you right on your soft spot, ow
[Outro: Sarah Gregory as Taylor Swift]
She hit me
Why?