[Verse 1: Cara Samantha as Adele]
I know, it's creepy
But I thought this haunted shithole flat was a good place to meet
To reopen every wound
What a fun way to spend a Saturday, especially for you
I know my nails look sweet
I will work them into every shot, even this POV
My flip phone is a piece of shit, so
Let me call you right back on my brand new Motorola brick phone

[Pre-Chorus: Cara Samantha as Adele]
Let's try this one, speak into the cup
Man, technology sucks (hello?)

[Chorus: Cara Samantha as Adele]
I'll just go yell outside
Here's a phone I haven't tried
Ok, now I hear you clearly on my Chiquita phone
Your voice sounds so delicious and full of potassium (om-nom-nom)
I'm the dumper this time (why'd she dump him?)
I treated him like dog shite (she kicked and punched him)
Didn't mean to hog the umbrella, the loo, and the bed
And I'm sorry for always wearing a Go Pro on top of my head

[Verse 2: Cara Samantha as Adele]
Shalom, buena dias
I forgot to how to say "hi" in English temporarily-ish
(Nice rhyme) hey bro, don't be cheeky
Or I'll write a lovely ballad about how you used to beat me (what?)
[Pre-Chorus: Cara Samantha as Adele]
I'm just kidding, you still can't take a joke
I'm so glad we spoke

[Chorus: Cara Samantha as Adele & Mark Douglas as Adele's Husband]
I won't use your real name, Steve (Steve McGuffin)
I just swallowed a thousand leaves (that's disgustin')
I got sick of eating spaghetti for every meal
So I gave you an Atomic Wedgie and I hope your crotch healed
I've been a ghost this whole time (just like Swayze)
Your singing 'bout a made-up guy (she is crazy)
You've been home all day long and the flat's a pigsty
Quit pretending you're a ghost and clean up those dead flies on the sill (clean it up!)

[Outro: Cara Samantha as Adele]
Boo, I'm a ghost