[Mark Douglas as Donald Trump]
How does a moon-faced schemer, wife of a cheater
Elected to the New York Senate then
End up in the cabinet of her former nemesis, a president she ran against
I like to speak in yuge run-on sentences

[Mark Douglas as Bernie Sanders]
As First Lady, she fought daily for kids and babies
I once called her shady
But I was just campaigning
I don't mean to be flaky
And look, I'm not saying she's ideal
But at least she's not orange, racist and rapey

[Mark Douglas as Bill Clinton]
When Hillary campaigns she never takes a break or complains
And it's insane that people still support this buttmunch
This guy's worrying 'cause if he wins he'll have to do stuff
He'll have to answer for the facts and figures that he trumped up

[Mark Douglas as Tim Kaine]
Then a running mate came in the form of Tim Kaine
Our gal saw her numbers stay basically the same (swell)
I'm just here to say whatever you need me to say
I may have a few suggestions though (just stay out of the way), okay
[Dion Flynn as Barack Obama]
Then the word got around, they said Bernie could be our man
A Jewish socialist who's mad legit and talks with his hands
In the primaries, she broke Bernie across her knee like Bane?
And you already know her name, what's your name, ma'am?

[Cara Samantha as Hillary Clinton and Mark Douglas as Donald Trump]
Hillary Rodham Clinton, she should be in prison
I'm here to save us from armageddon, you're armageddon
I just have to get past this piece of dung, that's rude
Waste of space, orange disgrace

[Tatiana Owens as Michelle Obama]
And how much more evidence must we get on this prick
To get his advocates to admit their candidate is unfit
To sit in this Oval Office

[Company]
If you're undecided you're a fracking idiot

[Cara Samantha as Melania Trump]
I married the Donald, the Donald is very normal guy
We are not deplorable and I don't never plagarize
I'm telling him, Donald, you must watching what you say
Especially when you're wearing microphone, okay?
[Mark Douglas as Donald Trump]
I can do what I want to women 'cause I'm rich I can just kiss them
Then I grab them by the pussy and the tush but I respect them
Wait a second, that was just some locker room talk
Just normal bros joking about sexual assault
I barely even have sex, my wife won't even do me
Her husband really does the stuff I brag about doing
But when I'm president, I'll bang so many Hamil-tens
I'm here to make America white, I mean, great again

[Company & Cara Samantha as Hillary Clinton]
Not another old white man (I can't wait)
I'm not white, I'm super tan (I can taste it)
The GOP's in the shit can
I'm Hillary (Hillary)
And I'm Tim Kaine

[Company, Mark Douglas as Donald Trump & Mark Douglas as Bernie Sanders]
Hillary Rodham Clinton, she's gonna take all of your guns
I guess that you're the best that we can do, at least she pays her taxes
We know you'll make us proud, you shouldn't be allowed online (no!)

[Company, Mark Douglas as Donald Trump & Mark Douglas as Bill Clinton]
Hillary Rodham Clinton, she'll let in all the Mexicans
We'll just print out your emails for you (afterwards we'll shred them)
You've been called every sexist name
And you know that I feel your pain
Let's flush this orange turd down the drain, woah
[Tatiana Owens as Michelle Obama & Cara Samantha as Hillary Clinton]
There's morons in the voting booths, see if you can stop 'em (it's my place)

[Mark Douglas as Bernie Sanders & Mark Douglas as Donald Trump]
Another idiot just voted for the Donald (I'm so great)

[Mark Douglas as Hipster]
I did it just to watch this lame two-party system topple

[Mark Douglas as Bernie Sanders & Dion Flynn as Barack Obama]
We made nice with her

[Mark Douglas as Donald Trump]
She's a yuge loser

[Tatiana Owens as Michelle Obama]
Hashtag I'm with her

[Cara Samantha as Melania Trump]
Hashtag I'm with her

[Mark Douglas as Bill Clinton]
Me? I'm the damned fool that couldn't keep it in his pants (ow, I deserved that)

[Company & Mark Douglas as Donald Trump]
She's a badass bitch who gets it done, we could do worse
So who you voting for? Hillary Rodham Clinton
Wait, what?
This whole song was rigged