[Verse 1: Johnny Burgos as The Weeknd]
I suffocate my clone with this ziplock
He refused to cut off his dreadlocks
Whacked him like Pacino then I screamed, "hoo ah!"
Now I'll ruin all of his cool stuff
Wait, is this a long pink lightsabre?
Or am I just really happy to see ya?
Let's see what other toys this nerd has got
Oh sweet, it's a mask of Chewbacca

[Pre-Chorus: Johnny Burgos as The Weeknd]
Why does he still have these DVDs?
Sharknado 3 and Human Centipede?
It's the classic Star Wars trilogy
When Greedo got shot first by Han and that was un-PC
Now I'm really pissing off the maid
Holy Bantha crap, that's my Darth Vader case!
These figures aren't worth a lot today
Couldn't keep 'em in the package, I had to play

[Chorus: Johnny Burgos as The Weeknd]
I am Chewbacca
I'm playing motherfuckin' Star Wars
It's Jabba the Hutt!
That's how them Ewoks talk on Endor
[Verse 2: Johnny Burgos as The Weeknd & Mark Douglas as Han Solo]
Vader killed my only homie, Obi-Wan
Then I took a nap inside a dead Tauntaun
Solo cut him open and said, I
I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
Jedi training with my green life coach, Yoda
My ship goes in the swamp, R2 says bleep blop
I freakin' left the keys in the ignition

[Pre-Chorus: Johnny Burgos as The Weeknd & Mark Douglas as Miss Piggy]
Can't call triple A because Dagobah has no reception
Yoda lectures me annoyingly
Sounds like a backwards talking Miss Piggy
When 900 years old, you reach, look as good as mwah you will not, Kermie
You tried to kill me but I didn't die
Call it "return of the dread guy"
You cut your dreads without asking me
Got sick of having hair like a bonsai tree

[Chorus]
There can be only one
This is actually a clone war
I am your father
(The Weeknd has joined the dark side)
I finally get to have my own toys