[Verse 1: Mark Douglas as Ed Sheeran]
Guitar isn't the best way to write a banger
So a Sia track is what I stole
All that you need is a simple xylophone
And a little bit of reggaeton
And this video concept is me and this hot chick
We're boxing and snogging in track pants
But it's sort of disjointed and misses the point when
The lyrics and the shots don't match, like if I sang

[Pre-Chorus: Mark Douglas as Ed Sheeran]
Now we're eating Chinese food
And we're skydiving n*** with Katy Perry
But we're sat here drinking tea
You'd say "what's even happening?"
Tattoos, snogging, boxing moves
Don't hit me face or any placе I've been inked
I'm sick of all this training
I've gotta tеll you something, it's true

[Chorus: Mark Douglas as Ed Sheeran]
I'm in love with the parts on you
Specifically your butt cheeks and boobs
I guess your face will have to do (hey!)
It's attached to dat body
That reaction was quite rude
No big deal, I still feel your boobs
Even though you broke my heart, my nose, and tooth
I wanna marry dat booty
Ooh, ahh, ohh, ahh, err, ahh, ohh, why?
Hey, no fair, that's karate
Oh my, you just broke my whole thigh
But it's kind of erotic
Oh, you almost poked out my eye
This is not proper boxing
Sorry baby, if I made you feel reduced
I just forgot there's a face on you
[Verse 2: Mark Douglas as Ed Sheeran]
One week later, I forgive your behaviour
And I'm finally able to walk
Well, I'm still kinda iffy on just why you hit me
But I'm still in love with your box-(ing skills)
Most girls swoon when they hear me croon
About how much I love their tasty cakes (ow)
Why did you smack me? I just said I'm attracted
To everything that isn't your face (bollocks!)

[Pre-Chorus: Mark Douglas as Ed Sheeran]
You detached my retinas
Some girls give head but you give head injuries
I found another lady
This is Sandy, she supports me
She's tall, solid, firm and tough
Gives me no guff, her love is everlasting
Come on, let's go Sandy
I can't ever get her to leave the gym

[Chorus: Mark Douglas as Ed Sheeran & Yaya Williams]
I'm in love with this white girl too
She's always hot, wet and in the mood
Dries my tears when I'm feeling blue
But she smells kinda funky
And I can always replace you
I've got this bird that models swimsuits
Every day I pick her up and we go screw
She's got such a hard body
You've completely lost your damn mind
I'm OK, I can manage
A, E, I, O, U, sometimes Y
See, my dain isn't bramaged
Wait, let me give something a try
Why's this mannequin on me?
Wait, I think you fixed my brain, it feels brand new
I'm in love with the whole of you
[Interlude:Mark Douglas as Ed Sheeran & Yaya Williams]
(Get it? The hole of you. The hole of you)
(Yeah, you're better)

[Chorus: Mark Douglas as Ed Sheeran & Yaya Williams]
I'm an actor, not your boo
Wasn't paid to take your abuse
Let's get the last scene of this shoot
What is it? I've forgotten
You have to fight that sumo dude
Who came up with this concept? You!
What the hell does any of this have to do
With a song called "The Shape of You?"