[Intro]
Tell it like it is

[Verse 1]
He gets up real early on his morning drive
Down to the office for his 9 to 5
He drives a 94, 2 ton, economy car
Loves to tell the local bands down at the bar that he's The Critic
Yea, I can hook you up, I know everybody, in the business

[Verse 2]
He flunked junior high band he couldn't march in time
He tried to write a song once, he couldn't make it rhyme
He went two or three chords on a pawn shop guitar
He just never quite had what it took to be a star, so he's a critic
I work for the Gazette man I got a real job

[Verse 3]
He did a 5-star column on a band he never heard
He did a bluegrass review about an unkind word
He thought it was time to ask his boss for a raise
His boss said I can't even tell if anybody's even reading your page

[Break]
Yeah
[Verse 4]
So he thought and he thought a little more
He caught a young hot star heading into town
And then he hid behind his typewriter and gunned the boy down
Here come the letters, the e-mails, the faxes
They raised him to 20,000 dollars after taxes
He's a happy critic
He's rolling in the dough

[Verse 5]
Man I could do this forever this is easy everybody's reading my column!
Please don't tell my mom, that I write the music column for the Gazette
She still thinks I play piano down at the Cathouse
Let's get funky with this now boys play it on out

[Bridge]
Come on Shannon
There's ole Biff jumping in
Liam's laying it down
Come on Shannon
Aw yeah, my man Steve

[Verse 6]
Man my fingers are getting tired y'all going to have to hurry
This snapping thing wearing me out
Hello Shannon
Guess he's on coffee break man
They're going to love you cause they already love me
(Yeah!)
It's the Critic