Tim Minchin
Story 1: Once Upon a Time
[MATILDA]
Once upon a time, the two greatest circus performers in the world – an escapologist who could escape from any lock that was ever invented, and an acrobat who was so skilled it seemed as if she could actually fly – fell in love, and got married. They performed some of the most incredible feats together anyone has ever seen. And people would come from miles around: kings! queens! celebrities! and astronauts! And not just to see their skill, but also to see their love for each other, which was so deep that it was said that cats would purr as they passed them, and dogs would weep with joy
They moved into a beautiful old house at the edge of town, and in the evenings, they would walk and take the air. And each night, the children of the town would wait in anticipation, hoping for a glimpse of the shiny white scarf that the acrobat always wore, for then they knew that they had only to cry, "Tricks! Tricks!" and the great performers would instantly oblige with the most spectacular show, just for them
But although they loved each other, although they were famous and everyone loved them, they were sad
[ACROBAT]
We have everything
[MATILDA]
"We have everything that the world has to offer," said the wife
[ESCAPOLOGIST]
We have everything
[MATILDA]
"But we do not have the one thing in the world we want most."
[ACROBAT and ESCAPOLOGIST]
But the one thing
[MATILDA]
"We do not have a child."
[ESCAPOLOGIST]
Patience, my love
[MATILDA]
"Patience, my love," the husband replied. "Time is on our side. Even time loves us."
[MRS PHELPS]
Oh, Matilda!
[MATILDA]
But time is the one thing no one is master of. And as time passed, they grew quite old, and still they had no child. At night, they listened to the silence of their big, empty house, and they would imagine how beautiful it would be if it was filled with the sound of a child playing
[MRS PHELPS]
Oh, Matilda, this is very sad!
[MATILDA]
Do you want me to stop?
[MRS PHELPS]
Don't you dare!
[MATILDA]
Their sadness overwhelmed them, and drew them into ever more dangerous feats, as their work became the only place they could escape the inescapable tragedy of their lives! And so it was, they decided to perform the most dangerous feat ever known to man! "It is called," said the husband, announcing the event to the world's press, who had gathered to listen with bated breath –
[MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST]
"The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage", and it is the most dangerous feat ever known to man!
[MATILDA and ACROBAT]
"It is our destiny – "
[MATILDA]
– said the wife, smiling sadly and slipping her hand into his
[MATILDA and ACROBAT]
"It is where the loneliness of life has led us."