[Chorus]
Don't wanna be in your club if you'd take me as a member
I'm not even slightly interested in whether I'm remembered
I say ashes to ashes, dust to dust
Gimme a tombstone if you feel you must
Saying "Here lies a clown who wrote some songs
He talked too much and stayed too long"

[Verse 1]
Back home in Perth I played piano down at Café Piazza
Swallowing second-hand smoke and singing standards by the masters
Learnt that every lyric's sacred, that love's everything
And that three drinks make you straighten up and four get you swingin'
'Til my crowds scared the suits away and I'd play my own songs
And then we'd talk too much and stay too long
(Talk too much and stay too long)

[Verse 2]
Moved to Melbourne with my missus after locking her down
Felt like a very little fishy in a very big town
Barely scrapin' by on corporate gigs and quaint cabaret
Playing keyboards in a cover band until three in the A.M
I was never really suited to them Top Forty songs
Cause I talked too much and played too long (Ha!)

[Chorus]
Don't wanna be in your club if you'd take me as a member
I'm not even slightly interested in whether I'm remembered
I say ashes to ashes, dust to dust
Gimme a tombstone if you feel you must
Saying "Here lies a clown who wrote some songs
He talked too much and stayed too long"
[Verse 3]
Took my eyeliner to Edinburgh in twenty-oh-five (2005)
Played to forty-five paying punters on that opening night
But to my surprise, there was a rising demand
For a lovechild of Liberace and Edward Scissorhands
Dude from the papers said that digging me was wrong
He said I talked too much and stayed too long

[Verse 4]
I've played the Albert Hall and Wembley, I've played basements and bars
I've been to Hollywood and Broadway, met those A-lister stars
I've shared cigarettes with knights and shot tequila with dames
Found I'm more interested in laughter than in hotness and fame
So long as you got irony, honey, we'll get along
We can talk too much and stay way, way too long

[Chorus]
Don't wanna be in your club if you'd take me as a member
I'm not even slightly interested in whether I'm remembered
I say ashes to ashes, dust to dust
Gimme a tombstone if you feel you must
Saying "Here lies a clown who wrote some songs
You know he talked too much and stayed too long (Talked too much)
You know he talked too much and stayed too long"

[Instrumental Break]
[Verse 5]
I've been threatened with death and arrest and with hell
I went hard at a cardinal who was feeling unwell
I've had them dogwhistling whiners send their dogs after me
I've been a bigot and a faggot, I've been smug and ugly
I'm a long-haired lefty joker and a smoker of bongs
And I talked too much and stayed too long

[Verse 6]
But fuck that "live fast, die young" shit, I plan on getting rickety
Baby I intend to stick around till all you pricks is sick of me
And when they come to wash my old man balls and feed me mashed banana
They'll find me in the common room playing blues on the piano
Same old three chords and clichéd fuckin' runs
And I'll talk too much and stay too long
And I'll talk too much

[Chorus]
Don't wanna be in your club if you'd take me as a member
I'm not even slightly interested in whether I'm remembered
I say ashes to ashes, dust to dust
Gimme a tombstone, baby, if you feel you must
Saying "Here lies a clown who wrote some songs
He talked too much and stayed too long"
You know he talked too much and stayed too long
You know he talked too much and stayed too long
[Outro]
Another white motherfucker rambling on
He talked too much and stayed too long