[Intro: The Stupendium]
Hey! I just transferred, I'm new!
My last school had a few too many waifus
So after a few suicides I moved
I'm just after a class I won't have to survive through

First day! Wow, I'm excited!
Numbers is what I take pride in
I can do times and dividing
Best in class of 1990!

My IQ's the highest, likely
Shoes are tied and tie is tidy
And though he's a bit unsightly
My professor's sure to like me!

[Verse 1: The Stupendium & Professor Baldi]
My name's Baldi! Greetings class!
Test me, sir! I'm sure to pass!
First question! What's 2+1?
Easy, 3! Boy, this is fun!
You're doing great, what's 2+8?
10 is what I calculate!
Question three! What's [gibberish]?
What...? No...!
[Chorus: The Stupendium & Baldi]
I need to call my mom but I've got no hall pass
So I'm stuck hiding from a balding psychopath
You got the question wrong. See me after class
Numbers are harmless fun but fear the aftermath

[Verse 2: The Stupendium]
If Slender and Mavis Beacon were freaking and the baby took to teaching
That would be the creature we're seeing creeping around this evening
Education's not a vocation this abomination should be seeking
Is he trying to expand my mind? Or just leave pieces on the ceiling?

Trapped here to tackle attacks from the faculty
Blast cans, grab snacks for the calories
Running for sums takes stamina, actually
Now I see what they mean by a mathlete

Do I not need a pass from my family?
Calculus entered the hazardous category
Practicing math shouldn't factor fatalities
Even the dastardly Janitor's after me!

[Gotta Sweep:]
SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP!

[The Stupendium:]
The massacre's sanitary
Jump rope frantically
On a roll in this honor roll tragedy
Won't be home after I hope there's no bach' degree after I graduate
It's a baffling fallacy
Any establishment pays him a salary
Next time I'm fishing for extracurriculars
I'm gonna stay playing Big Brain Academy

[Interlude]

[Chorus: The Stupendium & Baldi]
I need to call my mom but I've got no hall pass
So I'm stuck hiding from a balding psychopath
You got the question wrong. See me after class
Numbers are harmless fun but fear the aftermath

[Verse 3: The Stupendium]
Who signed off making minors go through
Such fright to find all these noteboos?
With an old dude
With an old rule
Make a sound, hunts you down through the whole school
There's a gold rule
Pay attention
If they're broke you'll get detention
There's a bully and a sock with a vengeance
And the principal's a little bit relentless

Show my infractions in fractions
It's one in one--each action's
Dragging me straight back to this classroom
Trapped as that ruler is slapping
This sub's gon' put me in traction
Man, I've got no chance of passing
If even MatPat can't manage
Haphazard mathematic madness
All my mentors and classmates are tracking me down
Forget Fortnite, this is a Battle Royale
And I gotta get out, but every door that I've found
Keeps locking me down as soon as I come around
Bet you'll regret it the second the roll call calls your name
That extra credit won't get you nothing but early graves

[Interlude]

[The Principal of the Thing:]
When will you learn?

[Playtime:]
I wanna play with someone!

[The Stupendium:]
I've got nowhere to turn, I think this game is broken!

[The Principal of the Thing:]
Detention for you!

[Baldi:]
I hear the doors you open!

[The Stupendium:]
I've been marked for death and had my snack bars stolen

[Chorus: The Stupendium & Baldi]
Call my mom, tell her to get here fast!
Because I'm hiding from a balding psychopath
You got the question wrong. See me after class
Numbers are harmless fun but fear the aftermath

[Outro:]
Fear the aftermath
Fear the after, math