[REBECCA]
Well, you can take your snow and shove it
This is our Christmas and we love it
It's a hundred degrees, this elf is Vietnamese
That's the way that California does it

[JOSH CHAN]
Even our Santa has a suntan
He's also an unemployed stuntman
[REBECCA]
Is he even awake?
[SANTA]
Yeah, I'm just really baked
[JOSH]
If he can be Santa Claus, anyone can!

[REBECCA & JOSH]
California Christmastime
It's just a Golden State of mind
Chet's nuts roasting in the bright sunlight!
[REBECCA, spoken]
Put on some pants, Chet!

[REBECCA & JOSH]
And what would Christmas be without
Historically low mountain snow causing staggering drought
[JOSH]
But hey, this eggnog fro-yo's super tight!
[REBECCA]
Super tight!
'Cause this is California
And we do Christmas right![JOSH, spoken]
Mmm, so good![BACK-UP SINGERS]
California Christmastime[DARRYL]
Don we now our surf apparel
And we have our own kind of Christmas carol
[PAULA]
It's this chick named Carol
She does henna tattoos
[Darryl]
Carol's fifty, but no judgement
She's still finding herself
[REBECCA, JOSH, DARRYL, PAULA & CAROL, spoken]
We're all finding ourselves!

[GREG]
Okay, there is no easy answer
[HEATHER]
For our high rates of skin cancer
[CAROL]
It took my dad's life
[SANTA]
And it killed my wife

[GREG, HEATHER, CAROL & SANTA]
Hang ten, Rudolph and Prancer!
[ALL]
California Christmastime
We gather 'round and sing songs by Sublime
And all our local reggae bands are white
The kids get lots of toys on Christmas morn
'Cause daddy makes big bucks directing porn
[REBECCA]
They may have gonorrhea
But at least it's not frostbite!
[ALL]
It's not frostbite!
'Cause this is California
And we do Christmas right!

California Christmastime
California Christmastime
California Christmastime
California Christmastime
California Christmastime
California Christmastime

[REBECCA]
California Christmastime
Calif...
You have places to be, I get it