[Spoken Intro: Stephan Jenkins]
It was an argument with an ex-girlfriend and I said something about like, "Truest love." She said, "You're mistaken. My truest love was with a multiple, adjustable shower head." I know you follow me but, like, I;m drunk. I'm-a sing this damn song right now. "Why Can't You Be?"

[Verse 1: Stephan Jenkins]
Are you frightened by the weight you possess or
Is this life just weightlessness?
And smoggy twilight in LA
I can't think of one real thing to say
And Robbie Williams is walking in the canyons
She forgets that we were friends
I guess it all depends on your mood
Why can't these meds be any damn good?

[Chorus: Stephan Jenkins]
And she said, "Why can't you be
Like my water pink shower massager?
A sweet reliable machine"
And to tell the truth I don't feel less alone
My water massager's the purest love I've ever known
Why can't you be
Like when I was thirteen?

[Verse 2: Stephan Jenkins]
Well, why can't you be
Like an art house foreign movie?
Frank and sexy, red balloons and ennui
And aloof to me, yeah
Why can't you be
A little more of a mystery?
[Chorus: Stephan Jenkins]
Why can't you be
The part of me that's missing?
Instead of leaving me for some other
Say we're perfect for each other
And I know we won't spend this life alone

[Verse 3: Stephan Jenkins]
Why can't you be
Like an outsourced government contract?
I'm a fat cat getting away with anything
Kicking some secret special powers
Illumination rounds in showers
'Cause you're tearing your hair out
While we can have a bed of flowers
And I said
Why can't you be
Like the chicks out on the road?
Some girls are happy just to see me
'Cause you got moxie and a broken nose
You take 'em away from this prose
Sometimes a blowjob's not enough
Why can't you play
A little less rough?

[Chorus: Stephan Jenkins]
Why can't you be
The part of me that's missing?
Instead of leaving me for some other
Say we're perfect for each other
And I know we won't go spend our lives alone
[Bridge: Stephan Jenkins]
Can we
Just leave it be?
We could live
Our lives separately
Could you forget
What happens to you
And you and me?
When we're dead
We'll be dead
We'll have eternity
And I will spend it all
Missing you
Missing you and me
So while I'm alive
I will always be

[Verse 4: Stephan Jenkins]
Why can't you be
Someone looking deeper into me?
Like JD Salinger
Why do I challenge her
In all these surface ways
That you displease?
Why can't you be
A little more at ease?
Why can't you be
Like a hand rolled cigarette
I'm not joking
This masochistic self-pity of smoking
And this city ditty
I keep provoking you to leave me
[Chorus: Stephan Jenkins]
She said, "Why can't you be
Like a candle I can snuff?"
You're still a diamond in the rough
And I swear to God I've had enough
How can I call your bluff?