[Chorus]
Well, I don't take sugar in my coffee, no
I don't take sugar in my coffee, no

[Verse 1]
I met a man from Nashville called Michael and Michael loved coffee
He was introduced to me as a coffee guy, in fact
He owned a couple of coffee shops in the city- yeah
He literally had a tattoo of a coffee mug in his neck next to his face
The guy likes coffee
Muh na muh na na na na num na num na na na
Muh na muh na na na na num na num na na na
He offered me some and I was like "No, you know, I'm alright man I'm more of a hot chocolate man myself" and he said
"Hot chocolate? What are you? Fucking nine years old?!
You just haven't had the right kind of coffee yet"
He said "Have you tried Java Arabica?"
I said no
"Have you tried Jamaican Blue Mountain?"
I said no
"Let me stop you there. I don't wanna be rude, but this shouldn't be so difficult to understand
I don't like coffee!"
No!

[Chorus]
I don't take sugar in my coffee, no
I don't take sugar in my coffee, no
I don't take coffee in my coffee
I don't like coffee, I don't like coffee
Muh na muh na na na na num na num na na na
Muh na muh na na na na num na num na na na
[Verse 2]
So he said "I wanna show you something"
So me, him and his friends, we got in his car and we drove outside the city to this warehouse
Outside the warehouse was a giant statue of a cup of coffee
A golden decaf, if you will, the same cup of coffee he had tattooed in his neck
And he said "Today's your lucky day kid
Today you're gonna try my coffee, it's the freshest in the State
It's gonna change your shit right up"
And I thought
Oh this is it, this is it man, everything is gonna change
I'm gonna be able to go for a coffee with people like a fucking adult for once
I'm gonna be able to say "Well, you know me, I like the fruity chocolatey taste of a good Nicaraguan Blend as much as the next person, I try and avoid it though, I hear that multinationals put a lot of pressure on the farmers unions"
He says nothing
He just hands me a cup of coffee
It smells amazing, mmh shit
I close my eyes, put it to my lips, take a tentative sip
Uuh, oh my God

Tastes like shit

[Chorus]
I don't take sugar in my coffee, no
I don't take sugar in my coffee, no
I don't take coffee in my coffee
I don't like coffee, I don't like coffee
Muh na muh na na na na num na num na na na
Muh na muh na na na na num na num na na na
Muh na muh na na na na num na num na na na
Muh na muh na na na na num num na na na