[Verse 1]
It's Christmas Eve, and I’ve only wrapped two fuckin' presents
Christmas Eve and I've only wrapped two fuckin’ presents
And I hate, hate, hate your guts, I hate, hate, hate your guts
And I'll never talk to you again

[Chorus]
Unless your dad will suck me off
I'll never talk to you again
Unless your mom will touch my cock
I'll never talk to you again
Ejaculate into a sock
I'll never talk to you again
I'll never talk to you again

[Verse 2]
It's Labor Day, and my grandpa just ate seven fuckin' hot dogs
Labor Day and my grandpa just ate seven fuckin’ hot dogs
And he shit, shit, shit his pants, he’s always fuckin' shittin’ his pants
And I'll never talk to you again

[Chorus]
Unless your dad will suck me off
I'll never talk to you again
Unless your mom will touch my cock
I'll never talk to you again
Ejaculate into a sock
I’ll never talk to you again
I'll never talk to you again