Mean Mr. Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark
Trying to save paper
Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy him some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose
Such a mean old man (Yes, a mean old man!)
Such a mean old man (I agree, a mean old man!)

Such a mean old man
Such a mean old man

Such a mean old man
Such a mean old man

His sister Pam works in a shop
She never stops
She's a go-getter
Takes him out to look at the Queen
Only place that he's ever been
Always shouts out something obscene
Such a dirty old man (Dirty old man?)
Such a dirty old man (Yes, a dirty old man!)
Such a dirty old man
Such a dirty old man