Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper
Sleeps in a hole in the road, yes he does
Saving up to buy some clothes, yes he is
He keeps a ten-bob note up his nose, yes he does
He's such a mean old man, yes he is
He's such a mean old man, yes he is

His sister Shelly works in a shop
She never stops, she's a go-getter
She's slaving up to look at the queen, god save the queen
Only place that he's ever been, god save the queen
Always shouts out something obscene
He's such a dirty old man
Dirty old man

[John Lennon]
His sister Bernice works in a furnace