[Verse 1]
I'm tired of conversations with my friends and family
About what I think the future holds for my best girl and me
I fully understand exactly what they're driving at
And unfortunately my answer tends to leave them somewhat flat

[Pre-Chorus]
Unsubtle hints are met with awkwardness
So I feel I am required to confess

[Chorus]
I don't want kids
I just want pets
I can't foresee that this will be one of my great regrets
Your kids are fine
Cause they're not mine
To me a life lived without children sounds divine!

[Verse 2]
I tried to make excuses when folks arrive with their baby
There's nothing I dread more than someone handing it to me
But declining offers to have them rested on your knee
Makes one a pariah within polite society

[Pre-Chorus]
The room looks round with eyes of pure dismay
And no one will believe it when you say...
[Chorus]
I don't want kids (I don't want kids!)
I just want pets (I just want pets!)
I can't foresee that this will be one of my great regrets
Your kids are fine (Your kids are fine!)
'Cause they're not mine ('Cause they're not mine!)
To me a life lived without children sounds divine

[Bridge]
I know children can be fun
And yours I'm very fond of, it is true
The advantage is that when I grow weary of their noise
I can direct them back to you

[Instrumental]

[Outro]
I don't want kids (I don't want kids!)
I just want pets (I just want pets!)
I can't foresee that this will be one of my great regrets
Your kids are fine (Your kids are fine!)
'Cause they're not mine ('Cause they're not mine!)
To me a life lived without children sounds divine
I don't want kids (I don't want kids!)
I just want pets (I just want pets!)
I can't foresee that this will be one of my great regrets
Your kids are fine (Your kids are fine!)
'Cause they're not mine ('Cause they're not mine!)
To me a life lived without children sounds divine