I have a friendly dog who likes to run around
You may have seen us on our daily walk
We frequent the river, and the parks around the town;
When I see someone I know she’ll always let me stop and talk
She gets a little anxious when she sees another dog
But with people she’s always been relaxed
But she’s not very discerning when it comes to choosing friends
And there seems to be a certain type of person she attracts…

All the local winos want to make friends with my dog
And I’m far, far too polite to walk away
They ask me lots of questions and they offer their affections
And I feel obliged to uncomfortably stay
Their behaviour may be crude but to ignore them would be rude
And my mother didn’t bring me up that way…
All the local winos want to make friends with my dog
And I’m far, far too polite to walk away

She’s utterly oblivious to my concerns of their intent
She runs to greet them with a wagging tail
I desperately search around for an easy exit point
But the incoherent small talk starts before I have a chance to bail
My senses always tell me that I’m going to be mugged
So I reach to give my wallet and my phone
I flinch as they utter unintelligible words
And then sigh with relief when I detect a friendly tone…
All the local winos want to make friends with my dog
And I’m far, far too polite to walk away
I end up in a fug of fags and stale cider breath
And I try to hide my obvious dismay
She seems to be a breed that has a certain appeal
To types whose diet consists of bargain booze for every meal
All the local winos want to make friends with my dog
And I’m far, far too polite to walk away

I do my best to avoid certain areas of the park
Where the druggies and the rough teenagers dwell
I rarely venture out with her when it has gotten dark
Lest we catch the attention of some drunken ne’er-do-well
I try to keep away when there are people hanging round
The benches, bandstands, sitting walls, and swings in the playground
When suddenly, as if out of nowhere they appear
Staggering, hands out, slurring, “Aww, who’ve we got here?”…

All the local winos want to make friends with my dog
And I’m far, far too polite to walk away
They greet me with a wink and they offer me a drink
And I say, “Thanks, but it’s too early in the day”
Though they catch me unprepared, I’ve long stopped being scared
I just find it hard to work out what to say
All the local winos want to make friends with my dog
And I’m far, far too polite to walk away
All the local winos want to make friends with my dog
And I’m far, far too polite to walk away
Accessorize with Diamond White and cans of Special Brew
It’s really very sweet (in its own peculiar way)
Though they may cause some alarm
They don’t mean any harm- they only want to come and have a play
All the local winos want to make friends with my dog
And I’m far, far too polite to walk away