[Verse 1]
When we were still young enough to hang out down the park
Never on a school night, at the weekends after dark
We'd always find sources of cheap alcohol aplenty
Buckfast wine, Glen's vodka, Hooch, and Mad Dog 2020

[Verse 2]
Using everything within our power to excess
Substances to enhance interpersonal prowess
But the wandering guy referred to as the Devil's brew
I can bare no longer, as I'll now explain to you

[Chorus]
I can't drink cider anymore
I can't drink cider anymore
A cold lager and lime makes for a rather smashing time
But cider is a thing I can't endure

[Post-Chorus]
Teenage drinking was a curse and it left me feeling worse
And other drinks we managed to procure
Now I can't drink cider, I can't drink cider
I can't drink cider anymore

[Chorus]
I can't drink cider anymore
I can't drink cider anymore
I'm absolutely fine with a beer or with a wine
And countless spirits one may wish to pour
[Post-Chorus]
But a single cider drink will make me throw up in the sink
Lavatory or even on the floor
Because I can't drink cider, I can't drink cider
I can't drink cider anymore

[Verse 3]
Just to be creative we would often try to make
Clever combinations we might now deem a mistake
Trying new concoctions at a breakneck record pace
Making Sunday mornings an ordeal to have to face

[Verse 4]
Day-trips to the bathroom the finale of the week
Sat behind closed blinds with no ability to speak
But one drink left an effect I would near soon forget
And from those regurgitation's I have not recovered yet

[Chorus]
I can't drink cider anymore
I can't drink cider anymore
A Double G and tea is jolly good for me
A Jager bomb will warm me to the core!

[Post-Chorus]
I am the type of bloke who likes a nice spiced rum and coke
And though I've tried many times since just to make sure
I know I can't drink cider, I can't drink cider
I can't drink cider anymore
[Chorus]
I can't drink cider anymore
I can't drink cider anymore
A well-aged Scottish whiskey can be a little risky
But makes one feel satisfactorily mature

[Post-Chorus]
I can keep on staying out on the ale or on the stout
But cider leaves me bidding friends adieu
Because I can't drink cider, I can't drink cider
I can't drink cider anymore