[Verse 1]
I am a lawyer and I am a father
I talk well by the rules and do my best to care for my kids
Got so much money, I got a happy family
I got a busy schedule, so I can't talk right now, sorry
I am a student, I've got PHDs
I majored in Drama, Science, Laws, Music, Philosophy
I'm an example, everybody wants me

[Chorus]
But none of it matters since I just sit collectin' cookies

[Verse 2]
I am a party boy, I like to be
In clubs twerkin' and dancin', bein' dumb with people like me
I don't really mind cause I've got no self-esteem
There's plenty to go around cause there's no 'I' in 'team'
I am a runner, I'm an athlete
I like to run and be the fastest like a bolt of lightning
Be number one, I want more medals, I want to win
If I can't get there, I can shoot adrenaline

[Bridge]
But I got no one
I got no job, no talent that I'm good at
So I'm lying in bed, I am crying
Wishing that I'll get lucky someday
(I'm crying, I'm crying, and whining, and whining)
Wishing that I'll get lucky someday
(I'm crying, I'm crying, and whining)
[Chorus]
But none of it matters really since I just sit collecting cookies