[Verse 1]
How did they fit two giraffes on the Ark?
Who's the best winger to grace Hampden Park?
Who sold the razor that cut van Gogh's ear?
I'd ask the questions if you were still here

[Verse 2]
How many cars have been stolen in Stoke?
Which brand of cigarettes beagles smoke?
How do you stand on your head and drink beer?
I'd ask the questions if you were still here

[Chorus]
But you're not around
And I've lately found
If I look for answers the others just scoff
I've lost my bounce without you to bounce off

[Verse 3]
Who ran the twenty-first four-minute mile?
Who does a bad-tempered stoic revile?
What does a seeker of truth hope to hear?
I'd ask the questions if you were still here

[Interlude]
[Chorus]
But you're not around
And I've lately found
If I look for answers the others just scoff
I've lost my bounce without you to bounce off

[Verse 4]
How can you tell if a sloth is relaxed?
How can you sleep with your woodwork unwaxed?
When will my five o'clock shadow appear?
I'd ask the questions
I'd ask the questions
I'd ask the questions if you were still here