[Verse 1]
Intellectual property never meant anything to me
So, I’m not crazy for trying to pimp out a classic song
At 25 years old it's the humane thing to do
Even though you know we know you think it's wrong
But after 700 covers and 1800 shows
And because it’s the song that Colombians love to hum
We voted to pull the plug and euthanize "Linoleum"

[Verse 2]
I think I was born into this world just to piss people off
So I'm doing what no smart band ever would
I’m taking our one well known song and trying to make it not very good

[Verse 3]
Linoldlium never meant anything to me
I never even wrote a chorus
Just verses and a bridge
It's like bulldozing a bowling alley for a used record store
Decomposing your best song is sacrilege
But when most Hopeless bands play it wrong
And it's in Le Tigre's best song
And it was the last song that Tony ever played
It's time to put Linoleum out to stud and make sure that it gets laid

[Bridge]
That's me and I got a new kitchen floor
But I still sleep with a close friend
The leather trunk next to my bed
That's me on the street and I'm walking with my kid
When she told me she knows everything I did
Because she just finished our book
(Dad!)
[Verse 4]
What the fuck?
What the hell?
Why did she feel the need to tell me
That she knows her dad is more than kinda weird

[Outro]
She knows that I do drugs
She knows that I'm kinky
But what keeps me up at night is that her and her friends know that I drink pee
(Not that there's anything wrong with that)