[Chorus]
Me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs
All in two rooms with one bed
So we slept on the towels and rugs
But ah! We were young, and vaguely in love
And who needed money, or drugs?
Not me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs

[Verse 1]
Fred was only twenty-two
So everything he said was true
Sweet as a clumsy puppy dog
But expletive! Could that boy snog

[Chorus]
Me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs
All in two rooms with one bed
So we slept on the towels and rugs
But ah! We were young, and vaguely in love
And who needed money, or drugs?
Not me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs
[Verse 2]
Dave offered me the presidency
Of the Log Cabin of New Jersey
I’m not sure who he thought I was
But I smiled and nodded because

[Chorus]
Me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs
All in two rooms with one bed
So we slept on the towels and rugs
But ah! We were young, and vaguely in love
And who needed money, or drugs?
Not me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs

[Verse 3]
Ted the All-American male
Had recently got out of jail
For asking money of someone
—A john—while flourishing a gun

[Chorus]
Me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs
All in two rooms with one bed
So we slept on the towels and rugs
But ah! We were young, and vaguely in love
And who needed money, or drugs?
Not me and Fred and Dave and Ted
And the dog and the cat and the bugs