[Verse 1]
When I was yea high 'til I was three
I suffered from petit mal epilepsy
Any excitement gave me a fit
But there were drugs to cure me of it

[Chorus]
Weird diseases
I get weird diseases
Whenever Krishna sneezes
I get weird diseases

[Verse 2]
So at the least sign of emotion
I got a tranquilizing potion
Thus from the time I was a young boy
I could feel neither anger nor joy

[Chorus]
Just weird diseases
Random weird diseases
Once from eating recalled cheeses
I got weird diseases

[Verse 3]
Nearly fatal renal cysts
Maybe Asperger's if that exists
Pityriasis rosea
Two separate times giardia
[Chorus]
Weird diseases
I get weird diseases
Wafting on the toxic breezes
I get weird diseases

[Verse 4]
Debilitating spider bites
Hiccups for three days and nights
A thousand earaches, one deformed eardrum
Hyperacusis, what's that from?

[Chorus]
It's from weird diseases
I get weird diseases
Whenever baby Jesus pleases
He gives me weird diseases

[Verse 5]
Chronic fatigue
COPD
Petit mal epilepsy
Two big holes inside my brain
Migraine aura sans migraine

[Chorus]
Weird diseases
I get weird diseases
Weird diseases
I get weird diseases