[Verse 1: Stephin Merritt]
A pity she does not exist, a shame he's not a fag
The only girl I ever loved was Andrew in drag
There is no hope of love for me, from here on I go stag
The only girl I'll ever love is Andrew in drag

[Chorus: Stephin Merritt]
Andrew in drag, Andrew in drag
Andrew in drag, yeah!

[Verse 2: Stephin Merritt]
I don't know why I even went, it's really not my bag
Just thought it might be funny to see Andrew in drag
The moment he walked on that stage my tail began to wag
Wag like a little wiener dog for Andrew in drag

[Chorus: Stephin Merritt]
Andrew in drag, Andrew in drag
Andrew in drag, yeah!

[Verse 3: Stephin Merritt]
I've always been a ladies man and I don't have to brag
But I've become a mama's boy for Andrew in drag
I'd sign away my trust fund, I would even sell the Jag
If I could spend my misspent youth with Andrew in drag
[Chorus: Stephin Merritt]
Andrew in drag, Andrew in drag
Andrew in drag, yeah!

[Verse 4: Stephin Merritt]
So stick him in a dress and he's the only boy I'd shag
The only boy I'd anything is Andrew in drag
I'll never see that girl again, he did it as a gag
I'll pine away forevermore for Andrew in drag