[Intro]
(Woo!)

[Verse 1]
Happy with no teeth, happy here in hibernation
Slurpin' on a peach, starin' at the situation
Kitty at my foot, meowin' out a conversation
Rockin' back 'n' forth; that's my only destination

[Chorus]
Old man on the back porch, old man on the back porch
Old man on the back porch, and that old man is me
Old man on the back porch, old man on the back porch
Old man on the back porch, and that

[Post-Chorus]
Meeeeeeeeeow
Wow, wow, wow

[Verse 2]
Got a two-string on my lap, total subsonic vacation
Got chicken on the drums, poundin' out a perfect prescription
Got twenty little worms all plug into amplification
Got fifteen hundred bass drum luggin', bug-eyed monkeys all arrivin' at the station

[Chorus]
I'm an old man on the back porch, old man on the back porch
Old man on the back porch, and that old man is me
Old man on the back porch, old man on the back porch
Old man on the back porch, and that
[Post-Chorus]
Me, me, meeeeeow
Whoa, whoa, whoa

[Bridge: Chris Ballew, Dave Dederer]
I'm sittin' on the back porch kickin' my legs back, rockin' in my rockin' chair, just sittin' there
On the little back porch, it's about to fall apart so I think I might repair it
Just as I'm thinkin about repairin' it some little friends come along
With some two string, one string, no string guitars (Hey, Chris, wanna jam?)
And they plug them all into the back porch
And they sit around playin' all their favorite songs
And kickin back feelin' real good, real fine, real full of the wine
And everything's fine, everything's beautiful, everything's great
And I just feel so good, you know, I'm seventy years old
And I'm slurpin' everything through a straw
I'm sittin' here on the back porch just eatin' chocolate pudding
Through a straw
And I heated it up on a little Sterno stove
Tastes just like a warm body fluid goin' down
Little players comin' 'round
Pluggin' in their instruments feelin' good about themselves
Singin' original songs by the original masters
And I'm sittin' there on the porch
Rockin' back 'n' forth in my little old chair

[Chorus]
But I'm an old man on the back porch, old man on the back porch
Old man on the back porch, and that old man is me
Old man on the back porch, old man on the back porch
Old man on the back porch, and that
[Outro]
(Okay)