1, 2, 3, 4

You never had rabies
You never gained weight
You never drank poison
You watched what you ate
You never came home with a terrible scar
You never so much as put a scratch on my car
You never got measles
You never got gout
You never got dizzy
And you never fell out
You never suggested we all play charades
You never picked up any live hand grenades

You twisted your ankle
I carried you
You got a divorce
So I married you
You fell off a cliff
So I buried you
I wish there were more bad times to see you through
I wish there were more bad times
Wish there were more bad times (x4)
I wish there were more
You never lost contact
You never leaked oil
You never drank cleanser
And you never ate foil
You never got hurt by sticks and stones
You never choked on any big chicken bones
You never got mauled by a mad baboon
You never lost all the air in your balloon
You never got poked in the eye with a spork
You never got sick from all that leftover pork

You twisted your ankle
I carried you
You got a divorce
So I married you
You fell off a cliff
So I buried you
I wish there were more bad times to see you through
I wish there were more bad times

So many things did go wrong
But the list is not long enough
Not enough bad things to fill up a song

Wish there were more bad times (x4)
I'd rather gather your bones
Than mop up this mess
If I scrub us all spotless
I'll wreck our success
I was holding your hand
When it fell on the floor
When you left you broke the knob on the door
I wish there was more