[Verse 1]
Mailman came while you were out
I was sleeping at your house
Letter from your lover
With an Ottawa address
Fill the shower up with steam
Find out what you mean to him
Before I hand it over
I'll push the flap back down and I'll press
Yes, I'll leave everything the way I found it

[Chorus 1]
I'll bet I'm the best house guest
House guest you've ever had
I'll bet I'm the best house guest
House guest you've ever had

[Bridge]
I never leave my socks around
I always keep the TV down
And when I leave
I never leave a mess

[Verse 2]
We were resting on the couch
There was nothing much to watch
Other than my manners
And your waning graciousness
Ease your thumb off the remote
Place my palms against your throat
The heat in here's infernal
And so's that entry in your journal
Yeah, it changed everything the day I found it
[Chorus 2]
I'll bet I'm the best house guest
House guest you've ever had
I'll bet I'm the best house guest
To ever crash at your pad

[Verse 3]
I've done things in your room
You'd be ashamed to accuse me of
It's just a tendency I have when certain people
Refuse me love
Refuse me love
Refuse me love
You refuse, I accuse

[Outro]
Yes, I'll leave everything the way I found it