Here's hopin' the food don't get cold and the phone don't ring
That thing has a habit of suddenly changing things
Last time they called they were looking for you
They're calling again, what am I gonna do?

Sometimes that old mailman, he carries a bag of tricks
He once left me something that sure left me in a fix
That letter said lots of things that weren't true
But everything's changed now, and what can I do?

Just like an old movie star jumps at a telegram
The second he gets it, his brain hears those jail doors slam
He'll get caught up in an elaborate scam
With too many subplots to count on his hands