[Chorus]
Any old storm, any old port
Life is long, love is short
You'd better get a woman, get a woman if you can
If you can't get a woman, get a clean old man

[Verse 1]
Do they hang too low, do they swing to and fro
Can you tie 'em in a knot, can you tie 'em in a bow
Can you swing 'em round your shoulder like a European soldier
Do they hang too low in the mornin'?

[Chorus]
Any old storm, any old port
Life is long, love is short
Better get a woman, get a woman if you can
If you can't get a woman, get a clean old man

[Verse 2]
Do they feel too tight, do they rattle when you fight
Can you keep 'em out of harm, can you throw 'em o'er your arm
Do they irritate your knees, do they tear your BVDs
Do they hang too low in the mornin'?

[Chorus]
Any old storm, any old port
Life is long, love is short
You'd better get a woman, get a woman if you can
If you can't get a woman, get a clean old man
[Verse 3]
Do they hang way down, do they drag along the ground
Do they feel so cool and nice when they slide along the ice
Do they irritate when you snag 'em on the gate
Do they hang too low in the mornin'?

[Chorus]
Any old storm, any old port
Life is long, love is short
You'd better get a woman, get a woman if you can
If you can't get a woman, get a clean old man

[Verse 4]
Do they hang too loose from self-abuse
Do they tangle in a knot, do they bang around a lot
Do they twist a key, do you wish that they would shrink
Do they hang too low in the mornin'?

[Chorus]
Any old storm, any old port
Life is long, love is short
You'd better get a woman, get a woman if you can
If you can't get a woman, get a clean old man