Oh, there's no fire in the fireplace
There's no carpet on the floor
Don't try to order dinner
There's no kitchen anymore
But if the road's been kinda bumpy
And you need to rest a spell

Well, welcome home
To Happiness Hotel

If you've got luggage keep it handy
But you're running out of luck
'Cause the bellhops ain't too organized
And the elevator's stuck
Still if you don't mind friendly animals
And you can learn to stand the smell

Well, welcome home
To Happiness Hotel

Welcome home
(Welcome home)
Oh, welcome home
(Welcome home)
No matter where you wander
You will never do as well
O.K. the lobby's looking shabby
And it's got the wrong address
And the whole dang thing has been
Condemned by 'Merican Express
Still the management is cheerful
Though the whole joint's gone to hell

Well, welcome home
To Happiness Hotel

Oh there are bugs (there are bugs)
And there are lice (there are lice)
Sure we have our little problems
But you'll never beat the price
You've got ev'ry kind of critter
You've got ev'ry kind of pest
But we treat them all as equals
Jes' like any other guest

Though you're cleaner than the others
Still as far as we can tell
You'll fit right in to Happiness Hotel
We'll fit right in to Happiness Hotel

Say cheese!