[EAGLE]
Kermit, let's begin:
Describe the day you played Berlin

[CONSTANTINE]
We rehearsed, and then we walked about
We ate bratwurst and sauerkraut

[JEAN]
That night, at 10:03
Were you inside the portrait gallery?

[CONSTANTINE]
From 10 o'clock to 10:04
Was when we did the show's encore

[EAGLE]
Hmm, Frog, we've got our doubts;
Can you confirm your, hm, whereabouts?

[CONSTANTINE]
My alibi is watertight:
The audience saw me sing all night

[JEAN]
Monsieur, we know you did the crime
[CONSTANTINE]
I was on stage that whole time;
Ask who sang Rainbow Connection

[EAGLE & JEAN]
Thank you Kermit, no more questions

[JEAN]
Allo, I think it's time for good cop, romantic cop!

[JEAN]
Miss Piggy, you could end up locked inside;
Now's your chance to save your, hide?

[MISS PIGGY]
Gentlemen, I did not know
It's a crime to steal the show!

[EAGLE]
Tell us how the art was taken...

[JEAN]
If you want to save your, bacon?

[MISS PIGGY]
I haven't seen your missing art!
All I've stolen is audience's hearts
[EAGLE]
We can give you a plea deal...

[JEAN]
All you have to do is squeal!

[MISS PIGGY]
I'm not a thief, I don't know how!
All I've ever taken is a bow

[JEAN]
We'll catch the swine that did this job?

[MISS PIGGY]
Give up the pig puns, creep! Go jump in a lake, that's my suggestion!

[EAGLE & JEAN]
Thank you Piggy, no more questions

[JEAN]
I think she liked me, huh?

[EAGLE]
I don't think your puns are helping the investigation

[JEAN]
You know... I think they did it!
[EAGLE]
No they didn't!
[JEAN]
Yes they did and we can pin it
[EAGLE]
If they did, how did they do it?
[JEAN]
If they didn't, how did they didn't?

[EAGLE]
If they didn't, then it's easy, 'cause they simply didn't do it!

[JEAN]
If they did it, then I knew it, but we've nothing that can prove it!-
Ahem, ugh, excuse me

[EAGLE]
(groans)

[JEAN]
Bring in the purple guy with the schnoz

[EAGLE]
Do you remember what you did
On the night you played Madrid?

[GONZO]
I was hit by a raging bull!
And rushed off stage to the hospital!

[JEAN]
Gonzo, what do you know
About the sculpture theft at Madrid's Prado?

[GONZO]
I never saw a stolen bust!
I spent the night in bed, concussed!

[EAGLE]
The truth Gonzo, the clock is tickin'

[GONZO]
If you don't believe me, ask the chicken:
Camilla was there, she'll cooperate!

[JEAN]
Madame, are you willing to corroborate?

-Camilla clucking frantically-
[EAGLE]
Will somebody get this chicken out of here?!

[GONZO]
Calm down, Camilla, it's a routine inspection!

[EAGLE and JEAN]
Thank you, Gonzo, no more questions

[JEAN]
Let's go from the start:
What do you know about the stolen art?

[Lew Zealand]
I didn't know there was a plan!
[Dr. Teeth]
Your accusation's far out, man!

[Bunsen]
The chances of us, committing a crime
Are less than .009!

[Swedish Chef]
Shern de shern de shern de gir
Her de chickie de farnder muir

J: To help with our investigation
Can you do a full translation?

Translator: What the chef just said to you
Was, "Shnoop de shnoop de shnoo." (It's not Swedish.)

Animal: Ahhh! Ahh! Ahhh! Ah-hahaha
-Penguins Quack-

Fozzie: Uh, I can do an Elvis impression?

[EAGLE and JEAN]
Thank you, Muppets, no more questions!

[JEAN]
They didn't
[EAGLE]
No, they didn't!
[JEAN]
There's no way they did the crime

[EAGLE]
They couldn't, they're too stupid
[JEAN]
They're not criminal masterminds!

[EAGLE]
We may not know who did it, but we know they didn't do it!

[EAGLE and JEAN]
So we know who didn't do it, yes, we know who didn't do it!

[JEAN]
They're incapable of being culpable