Pan cross ocean
Zoom into a mountain
Someone's not good at lighting torches
Rocky beaches
Corona commercial set
Close-up mini-waterfall
Ready the tattered holy sail...
Never mind let's go look for a trail
Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, NOT
Dramatic main character reveal
Slow fade-in, Jack negotiating

Fireworks then Disney castle
Jerry Bruckheimer, there's an archway
Rapid pan-down, Jack's in trouble
Mutton chops, stand up, cut
Jack's been drinking
Now he's wading
Now he's walking to a meeting
He just looked at the camera!
Did you see that?
Two shot
More shot
Still drunk

From Disney and Jerry
Pirate peg-leg, look at a boat
Make an agreement
Cheer, mermaids, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot
Rotating zombie-boat, captain is too hot
Jack Sparrow informs her he's taking the boat
She expresses distaste in this idea by stabbing the door
Don't slam the door on your hot pirate captain
And director Rob Marshall
Careful, grab a rock
Jack warns his crew not to make out with hot water ladies
Unless you look like them, then take what you can get
Raise your sword, overboard
Point your sword forward
Fail to drown, turn around, looking down
Stab the table by a candle
Man, girl look up, look left
The mermaid is less hot now...
Jack is still terrified of the last mermaid shot

When he calms down, Johnny Depp leans
Through some leaves, then he looks right
Jack jumps up, lean
Penélope then jumps into the fight
Ian McShane shoots some fireballs at a guy sitting on a boat
Geoffrey Rush needs some lotion... or maybe some aloe?
Swinging a sword at a hot pirate's basically first base
Bouncing up, make a gesture
This summer, get ready to DANCE!
Then fall in the lake
Explosive boat, hold a rope, don't tailgate him
Girls in water boxes, dodge a barrel like Donkey Kong
Look down, don't waterfall
Swing, zoom, kiss, boat, spin, dark
Falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and
LAND IN A LAKE
SKULL ZOOM!
In comes the title, and it slowly zooms back out
Show the release date, then show lots of names