[Intro]
Never hit your grandma with a shovel
It makes a bad impression on her mind

[Verse 1]
All I want is fifty million dollars
And seal skins to protect me from the cold (Brrr)
If I only knew how stocks would go in Wall Street
And were livin' in a mansion built of gold

[Verse 2]
If I only owned the Pennsylvania Railroad
And if Tuesday Weld would only be my wife (Oh, Tiny!)
If I could only stay sixteen forever
Then I know that I'd be satisfied with life

[Verse 3]
All I want is wheatgerm for my breakfast
A champagne fountain sizzlin' at my feet
While Rockefeller waitin' on the table
And Lombardo's band playin' while I eat

[Verse 4]
If I only owned Western Union cable
And if Tuesday Weld would only be my wife (Tiny, I love you!)
If I could only stay sixteen forever and ever and ever
Then I know that I'd be satisfied with life
[Outro]
You know, my dear friend
Don't run away from all this world
It's a great big beautiful world
With all of these happy faces around
Well, I can see this one over here, you lovely thing
Why, it's beautiful, it's clear, and it's calm and it's modern
If I can have them all, why, I'll tell you, I'll tell you
Then I'd know that I'd be satisfied with life