[Spoken Intro]
That sly cigarette!
Song sung in 1898 by Ms. S. H. Dudley for the runaway girl
And this is Tiny Tim trying to redo it

[Verse 1]
If girls and boys were asked what joys they found the most entrancing
Each boy would name his favorite game, from sports, drinks and dancing
But girls with me will all agree, although you think I'm joking
With twinkling eye, they’d make reply, "The best of all is smoking"

[Chorus]
Oh, sly cigarette
Oh, fine cigarette
Why did you teach me to love you so?
When I have to pretend that I don't, you know?

Oh, sly cigarette
Oh, fine cigarette
Why did you teach me to love you so?
Whеn I have to pretend that I don't, you know?

Oh, sly cigarеtte
Oh, fine cigarette
Why did you teach me to love you so?
When I have to pretend that I don’t, you know?
Oh, sly cigarette
Oh, fine cigarette
Why did you teach me to love you so?
When I have to pretend that I don't, you know?

[Verse 2]
Oh, you poor little cigarette, how they're stomping and crushing you today
They're taking advantage of your small little nature
They're blaming you for cancer
When you can still get cholesterol from butter and fat from lard and bacon
And all these meats and cheeses that are causing heart attacks and tumors
Why are they picking on you, oh sly cigarette?
It's not fair, somebody has to protest and get back to normality again

[Outro]
Oh, sly cigarette
Oh, fine cigarette
Why did you teach me to love you so?
When I have to pretend that I don't, you know?

Oh, sly cigarette (Yes?)
Oh, fine cigarette (What is it?)
Why did you teach me to love you so?
When I have to pretend that I don't, you know?