[Verse 1: John Jones & Linda Duggan]
I met her in the garden, she was laughing like a drain
We stood too close together, taking shelter from the rain
Shelter from her mother and the blue rinse fire brigade
We stood there in the garden and she called a spade a spade
You're all hot air and hormones as far as I can see
You think more of your lurchers than you ever do of me

[Chorus: John Jones & Linda Duggan, John Jones]
And I wouldn't say I couldn't be your lover
Not if there was nothing else to be
But if love is what you're dying to discover, darling
Don't slit your wrists for me, darling
Don't slit your wrists for me

[Verse 2: John Jones & Linda Duggan]
She had rings on her fingers and a bone stuck through her nose
She was wearing studs in places where the gardener never goes
People gonna judge us by the company we choose
I can't be seen with somebody who's got the wrong tattoos
Well, I've been hearing voices since I was in my teens
Please don't shoot the messenger, they're coming from my genes

[Chorus: John Jones & Linda Duggan, John Jones]
And I wouldn't say I couldn't be your lover
Not if there was nothing else to be
But if love is what you're dying to discover, darling
Don't slit your wrists for me, darling
Don't slit your wrists for me
[Verse 3: John Jones, John Jones & Linda Duggan]
I met her in the garden, there was no one there to see
We were taking shelter underneath the apple tree
Shelter from her father, who was purple and insane
We stood too close together and she punched me in the rain
Sex is like a chain gang, there are no volunteers
We get handcuffed to a maniac for sixty years

[Chorus: John Jones & Linda Duggan, John Jones]
And I wouldn't say I couldn't be your lover
Not if there was nothing else to be
But if love is what you're dying to discover, darling
Don't slit your wrists for me
And I wouldn't say I couldn't be your lover
Not if there was nothing else to be
But if love is what you're dying to discover, darling
Don't slit your wrists for me, darling
Don't slit your wrists for me